I've been in therapy pretty regularly over the years - I started back in high school, continued in college, went back a little bit after college, and now here I am again, back in therapy. I know that I should go to therapy and that trying to overcome my eating issues on my own is a bad idea. However, I'm not so sure how much I get out of it.
I really like my current therapist and she came very highly recommended as someone who specializes in eating disorders. She's great - but I suck at it. Maybe because I spend so much of my day pretending to be normal and put together and healthy, that it's hard to let that facade down.
I have a session in 45 minutes and I'm trying to figure out what I'm supposed to talk about. How about - "Remember all the things I was supposed to work on since our last appt? Remember all the tips and recommendations that you gave me? Yeah - I didn't do any of it. I thought about it. I knew I was supposed to do it. I even thought about it while I was doing the exact opposite!"
At our last appointment I was instructed to do a number of things:
1) No eating or snacking in front of the TV or computer - Impossible!!
2) Try to identify a fullness scale where a 6-7 is satisfied, an 8 is full, a 9 is uncomfortably full, and a 10 is ill. Try to eat to a 6-7 - I'm pretty good at this... until I keep eating and end up at a 9.
3) Before I purge, sit down and write exactly what I am feeling at the time. - I thought about doing this... and then I sat down to write and just couldn't.
4) Read the book "My Life Without Ed" by Jenni Schaefer. - This I actually did do. The book was good and somewhat helpful. The problem is that I'm not quite sure how to take what I learned in the book and apply it to me. I'm so excited that this girl learned how to overcome her eating disorder. I just wish I could figure out how she did it.